Strong Careers Are Built on Uncomfortable Conversations
My goal is always to create content that is practical, actionable, and worth your time. So if you have the time, I highly encourage you to read the full article (it’s only about a 5-minute read). But if you’re in between meetings, the headlines and bolded sections will help you quickly pull out the most important insights.
One thing I’ve noticed after working with executives, assistants, chiefs of staff, office managers, recruiters, leaders, and every kind of workplace personality you can imagine:
The highest performers are not the people who never make mistakes.
They are the people who can make a mistake, feel the sting of it, get the information, and then do something useful with it.
Because everybody messes up. Everybody misreads a situation at some point. Everybody sends the wrong thing, misses a detail, fumbles a conversation, forgets a follow-up, assumes something they shouldn’t have assumed, or realizes halfway through a project that they misunderstood the assignment.
I once sent an executive to Charleston International Airport in South Carolina instead of Charlotte Douglas International Airport in North Carolina! (And I lived to tell the tale!)
The mistake is not the career-ending part.
The career-ending part is when your ego becomes so fragile that feedback feels like an attack on your entire identity.
And listen, I get it. Nobody loves being told they missed something. Nobody skips into an improvement conversation like, “Yay! Tell me all the ways I disappointed you today!”
We’re human! Feedback can be uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s embarrassing. Sometimes it hits a nerve. Sometimes the person delivering it has the bedside manner of Dr. Frankenstein.
But high performers do not collapse just because something is uncomfortable.
They listen for what is useful. They implement what works. They discard what doesn’t.
That is a skill. And it is one worth building.
In my new keynote, “The New Rules of Admin Success”, I say this directly: Feedback is not always right, but it is always information. And information helps you improve.
Mistakes Are Not Who You Are
I want you to really let this land:
A mistake is not who you are. It’s something you did.
That is a huge difference.
If you make a mistake today at 2:08 p.m., by 2:10 p.m. it is already in the past. You cannot crawl inside a time machine, slap the mouse out of your hand, rewrite the email, unsay the sentence, or magically make the calendar invite correct.
It happened. It’s done. Now what?
That is the whole game.
Not “How do I punish myself enough to prove I care?”
Not “How do I make this mean I’m terrible at my job, my career is over, and I should move to the woods?”
Not “How do I spiral for three days so I never make a mistake ever again and finally achieve perfection every day for the rest of my life?”
No.
You take the information and you move.
You build a better system, add a double-check, and clarify the expectations earlier.
You create a template, put a boundary in place, and stop relying on memory for something that needs a process.
You make the work less dependent on you being superhuman.
That is ownership.
And ownership is not perfection. It is what you do after reality hands you information you didn’t particularly enjoy receiving.
Ego Slows Careers Down
There’s a big difference between confidence and ego.
Confidence says, “I can look at this honestly and get better.”
Ego says, “If I admit this needs improvement, I am less valuable.”
And I’m telling you, ego will slow your career down faster than a lack of skill.
Skills can be taught, systems can be built, and knowledge can be learned; but if every piece of feedback becomes a courtroom drama where you need to defend, explain, justify, and counterattack, people eventually stop coaching you.
And when people stop coaching you, they stop investing in you.
That is dangerous.
I’ve seen this at every level. C-suite executives. Senior assistants. New managers. Team leads. People with giant titles and people with no title at all.
The most successful people I know are coachable, meaning they can hear feedback without turning into a puddle, a porcupine, or a hostage negotiator.
They can say, “Okay, tell me more,” separate tone from content, and ask, “What part of this is useful?”
They can sit with discomfort long enough to learn something.
That is high performance.
Feedback Is Information, Not a Death Sentence
Now, to be clear, not all feedback is good feedback.
Some feedback is vague or lazy or emotionally loaded. And some feedback is more about the other person’s preferences, anxiety, poor communication, or lack of planning than your actual performance.
So no, you do not have to swallow every piece of feedback whole like it’s gospel.
But you do need to examine it.
Feedback is information.
Sometimes it tells you what to improve or what someone values.
Sometimes it tells you where expectations were unclear or where a system is broken.
And sometimes it tells you that you and your executive are operating from two completely different definitions of “urgent,” “done,” “polished,” or “proactive.”
That’s useful!
And you don’t have to agree with every word to learn from the conversation.
You shouldn’t be asking yourself, “Did they deliver the feedback well?”
But you should be asking, “What can I use?”
Strengths Build Careers. Weaknesses Just Need Systems.
Don Clifton, the father of CliftonStrengths, said, “Focus on your strengths and manage your weaknesses.”
At first it sounds counterintuitive because most of us were trained to obsess over our weaknesses: fix this, improve that, be better at everything.
But if you try to be good at everything, you become average at everything. An inch deep and a mile wide.
Your strengths are where your highest performance lives.
Your weaknesses are where you build support systems.
That means once you know where you tend to struggle, your job is not to shame yourself into being a completely different person.
Your job is to manage the risk.
Ask yourself:
Where do I feel drained?
Where do I feel slower?
Where do I overthink?
Where do I procrastinate?
Where do I consistently need more structure, clarity, or time?
None of your answers are evidence that you are broken. It’s just data—and data helps you build better systems.
Maybe you just need:
a checklist.
a 24-hour review window before something goes out.
to stop accepting vague drive-by assignments in the hallway.
to ask for examples.
to use AI or transcription tools to summarize messy meetings into clear next steps.
to collaborate with someone who is stronger in that area.
You do not have to be naturally energized by every type of work, but you do have to take responsibility for how the work gets done well.
What To Ask When You Receive Feedback
When you receive improvement feedback, your first job is to slow the conversation down enough to understand it.
Not defend.
Not apologize 47 times.
Not immediately promise to become a whole new woman by Friday.
Understand.
Here are ten questions you can ask your executive, manager, or whoever is giving you the feedback:
Can you give me a specific example of where this showed up?
What did you need or expect in that moment that did not happen?
What would “better” have looked like to you?
Was this a one-time issue, or is this a pattern you’ve noticed?
Where did the breakdown happen from your perspective?
Was the expectation clear enough going in, or do we need to tighten that up next time?
What should I keep doing, and what should I adjust?
Is there a standard, preference, or process I should be aware of moving forward?
What would help you feel more confident in how I handle this next time?
Can we agree on what success looks like going forward so I can build the right system around it?
These questions are powerful because they move the conversation from shame to strategy. They also show maturity. They say, “I’m here to understand the work and improve the outcome.”
That is what executives trust, what teams respect, and what careers are built on.
The Real Test
The real test of your career is not whether you can look polished when everything goes well. (Most people can do that.)
The real test is who you become when something goes sideways.
Do you blame? Spiral? Make excuses?
Do you decide one piece of feedback means you are terrible at your job?
Or do you breathe, look at the situation honestly, and ask, “What information is here, and what do I need to do with it?”
Growth happens in the uncomfortable moments, not the perfect ones.
Mistakes are not who you are, feedback is not a death sentence, and discomfort is not danger—sometimes it’s just the doorway to your next level of performance.
You do not need to be perfect to be successful.
But you do need to be honest and you need to be coachable.
You need to be willing to look at the thing, learn from it, and build a better way forward.
That is what high performers do.