How to Prepare your Mind and Body for Difficult Conversations
Our motives, our body language, and our state of being all matter when it comes to communicating effectively.
Prior to entering any hard conversation, we must brace ourselves. Preparation, self-control, and good communication all go hand in hand.
So before having the hard conversation, make sure you:
Check your motive
Check your body language
Check your state of being
We can destroy a tense conversation before it starts by entering into it already uptight. We can appear visibly shaken. We can fumble. We can go into them feeling prepared but still come out feeling frustrated, angry, or disappointed.
So what is the first step to becoming successful at crucial, hard, or difficult conversations?
We PREPARE.
We don’t only prepare by writing a script and rehearsing exactly what we are going to say. We prepare by getting in touch and in tune with our mind, body, and state of being.
Check your motives: Why are you having this conversation?
To prepare our human self, we must look deep into what our motivation is. Because it’s not our behavior that unravels during a hard conversation, it’s our motives.
Ask yourself: What’s the reason or purpose for having this conversation? Is it for the greater good of the organization? Does it benefit the individual or the company?
If the answers to these questions are unclear, then you’ve got some homework to do before you have the actual conversation.
Also ask yourself: Am I going into this open minded? Or am I just determined to be right? Do I feel calm and relaxed about saying what I need to say or do I “just need to get this out”?
It’s important to determine what you actually want for yourself, for others, for the relationship, or for the team. Prepare yourself to behave as if you really wanted the best for the person you’re speaking to. Whatever motive we have, the behavior will follow.
It’s important to check and recheck your motives while preparing, and more importantly, during the conversation. If you see that your motive is changing, ask yourself why. Is it because you’re scared, offended, self-conscious, or vulnerable? Acknowledge that you’re feeling this way, notice the feeling, and course-correct your motive so that you can continue the conversation.
The tendency is that the more important the conversation, the less likely we are to be on our best behavior.
If you can consistently check your motives, you will have much more effective and positive outcomes in all your communication and you will grow your human relations skills.
Check your body language: What is your nonverbal communication saying?
Another piece of preparing ourselves for the hard conversations is to notice and guide our body language.
If our body language does not line up with what we are saying, the communication can come out broken and inconsistent.
Additionally, body language delivers MOST of the message that is received, and if our words and our non-verbals do not complement one another, the non-verbal information is believed over the verbal statement.
In other words, our body language is everything!
So how can you prepare for expressing better body language in your communication?
First, know that body language is both instinctual and controllable. And that’s your first step, to just notice and make this a conscious act or habit!
What is your posture or body position while preparing the conversation? Is your brow furrowed, your face tight, and your shoulders at your ears?
During the conversation, be mindful of your body language too. Are your arms folded across your chest making you look closed off to communication or are your arms relaxed by your side with your shoulders back making you look calm, confident and ready to receive communication?
What is your face saying? Facial expressions are one of the biggest cues the other person in the conversation has to read. Are you being too expressive without knowing it? Are you being too stoic and uptight? Are you making appropriate eye contact with the other human?
We have dozens of physical clues that our bodies use to show our discomfort. Knowing your own go-tos when you’re uncomfortable will help you to counteract them.
These are all things to take into consideration And there is so much more to this conversation!
While knowing what needs to be said is important, knowing how to say it with both verbal and non-verbal cues allows you to be the most effective communicator you can be.
Check your state of being: Are you leading with your heart?
Being in the right state of mind allows you to be present, open, and heart-forward. This makes all the difference when it comes to entering a hard or difficult conversation.
Check-in with yourself. How are you feeling?
If you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or your blood pressure is through the roof, then it’s probably not a great time to have a difficult conversation with another person.
Take a breath, go on a walk, meditate, play with your dog, or call a friend. Do what you need to do to return to a balanced state of being.
Notice if you’re holding tension from a previous situation that day. How can you let that go so you’re not affected for the next conversation?
Notice if you're anticipating behaviors based on a past experience with this person or someone else. As many philosophers have said in numerous ways, “Expectations are premeditated disappointments.” If we’re expecting someone to behave in a manner, we’re likely to get what we fear and receive disappointment.
If you can prepare your state of being before the conversation, be mindful of it during your conversation, and have the space to release whatever was brought up after the conversation, then you’re well on your way to becoming a next-level communicator and successful business leader.
Prepare for your success
Preparation is everything.
While we may think the actual conversation is the most important part to get right, it’s actually all in the prep work.
If you can check your motives, your body language communication , and your state of being, you will start to open doors for others and begin unlocking your fullest communicating potential.
It’s small steps that get us to big places and this small step will be monumental in your growth and success.
So, next time you have to have a hard conversation, make sure to check these three things before communicating. If you’re cool, calm and collected in preparation, you’re much more likely to be cool, calm, and collected during the conversation.
If these communication tips were helpful to you, reach out and let me know! I’ve got tons more on how to improve your communication, body language, and other human relation skills. I’m ready to help you unlock your greatest potential and become the next-level communicator, entrepreneur, leader, speaker or coach that you were meant to be.